


Patting Pops

by PrioritiesSorted



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Crack?, Gen, I have no idea how to categorise this, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 03:56:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1968048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrioritiesSorted/pseuds/PrioritiesSorted
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I didn't like your husband. He'd pat me on the back a lot." </p>
<p>- Tywin Lannister, "First Of His Name"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Patting Pops

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know what this is just... just take it.

Tywin flinched at the sound of Robert’s booming laughter. Damned if he wasn’t going to enjoy this wedding, he’d paid enough for it after all, but it was difficult to relax when the sound of impending doom kept creeping (or rather, stomping) towards him.

“Daddio!”

_Fuck._

“Hello, Robert.”

“Loved the speech, Pops, very… very heartfelt.” Tywin braced himself just in time; Robert’s broad palm smacked the space directly between his shoulder blades. He wondered briefly if  Robert was aware of the force with which he dealt these blows as Robert continued, “Bloody hell, this is really it. Marriage. Got any tips? From the veteran?”

This time it was a “playful” elbow to the ribs, and Tywin did his best not to wince. Before he could answer his new goodson, _Seven save me,_ Robert had spotted the buffet table, and exclaimed,

“I knew I was here for a reason. Excuse me while I line my stomach; wouldn’t want to be too bladdered to complete my marital duties, eh?”

Tywin shuddered, raising his glass of wine to his lips, wondering how “bladdered” he would have to be in order to forget he ever heard that. As he did, Robert let out a bellow of laughter and clapped him on the back once more. Red wine spurted from Tywin’s mouth, spraying the pristine white table cloth in front of him. He turned to Robert, murder in his eyes,

“Bloody hell, Pops. Cers certainly didn’t get her drinking habits from you!”

 

* * *

 

The day they took little Joffrey home from the hospital, Joanna had insisted on having a little homecoming get together. Tywin had been opposed to the idea, ( _couldn’t we just drop by to see them tomorrow while Robert’s at work?)_ but his wife was not to be dissuaded.

It was therefore Joanna he blamed when he shut the bathroom door behind him, and found himself face to face with Robert.

“Just put the little tyke down to sleep,” Robert stage whispered as they walked down the landing. “You never told me how much effort this baby lark is – I might not have bothered!”

Perhaps this pat was extra hard to make up for the fact that Robert’s laugh would wake Joffrey (and the dead), but the next thing Tywin knew, he was tripping down several stairs in a _terribly_ undignified manner, and landing in a heap at the bottom. He groaned.

“Looks like we’ll have to get baby gates in for _you_ , Pops!”

 

* * *

 

It was dark in Myrcella’s room, and there were a disturbing number of posters on the walls depicting groups of boys wearing far too much hair gel, but it was quiet. Tywin was flipping through one of Myrcella’s teen magazines (which also appeared to be full of hair gel wearing boys) when the door opened and Myrcella gave a little scream.

“What are you _doing_ in here?”

For the first time in his life, Tywin scrambled to find some words,

“I… you know how these family gatherings can be, Myrcella, I was just looking for a little peace and quiet.”

Myrcella eyed him suspiciously.

“Grandfather? Are you hiding from Dad?”

“I am not _hiding_ from anything Myrcella. It’s simply that I’m still recovering from a minor operation on my shoulder and I’d rather-“

“Okay. Got it. Your secret’s safe with me.” Myrcella nodded knowingly, and Tywin thought of smiling at her, but thought better of it. Myrcella picked up a book from her bedside table (“I’m lending it to Shireen”) and closed the door behind her.

It was only a few minutes before the door opened again and Tywin looked up to see Stannis Baratheon standing awkwardly in the threshold.

“I heard this is the “Hiding From Robert” room.”

“I am not-“

“I brought wine.”

“Come in.”


End file.
